Questionable
by Kathryn Claire O'Connor
Summary: Sequel to "Jeremiah;" a challenge from saturday101. Nathan vents some of his frustrations about TJ to William, and learns some things about the gangster that he doesn't particularly like to consider.


Nathan Hayes sat on the couch in William Barrett's living room. He raised his eyes to meet the steady gaze of the man sitting across from him, eyes filled with turmoil.

"Nathan, we both know that's a terrible question to even ask," the older mentor admonished the man that he'd had a hand in raising.

Nathan sighed and returned his gaze to his hands clasped tightly in his lap.

When the silence between them became too lengthy, William added, "And, besides, I thought that you were thrilled when TJ was saved."

"I was – I am." Nathan answered hastily, mentally scrambling for a way to explain himself.

"Then why did you ask why the Lord would save TJ?" William inquired.

Nathan flinched upon hearing how the question sounded, explaining, "It's not really 'why would God save TJ;' it's 'why then _won't _He save so many others?' Like… why TJ and not Derrick?"

William say back in his recliner, eyes filling with thought as he asked, "Why you, then, Nathan?"

Nathan's eyes snapped up to his, alarmed. "Well, no offense, so don't take this the wrong way, but I'm kind of a lot better than TJ."

William raised his eyebrows. "No, you're not, and not just because you're human, either. Nathan, do you remember the young man I got a hold of days before he was beaten in to a gang?"

Again, Nathan flinched, nodding as he remembered the boy that he had been.

"Was that boy any better than TJ?"

Nathan shook his head.

"You're right; he wasn't – and Nathan? – He still isn't." William leaned towards him. "If you consider where you were when you were when you were saved versus where TJ is now, I don't understand how you can have this attitude."

"He's in prison!" Nathan objected.

"So is Shane. So is Derrick. And yet you're only upset with TJ."

"TJ is a hardened criminal who got Derrick in the Gangster Nation, who _ran _the Gangster Nation, who's sold drugs to dozens of – hundreds – of people – including children and teenagers, not to mention that he tried to kill me!"

"And there is your problem, my son." William broke in quickly. "Because you can't forgive TJ, you can't understand why God would forgive him."

"I didn't say that I hadn't forgiven him," objected Nathan.

William gave him another "look." "But we both know that you haven't." He paused to let that sink in, and then continued, asking, "Nathan, has TJ ever told you anything about himself? About his family life, and the way that he grew up?"

Nathan shook his head. "I've only visited with him twice."

Unsurprised, William nodded. "I didn't think he had, but I wish that he would have. From what he's told me, I think that it would change your attitude towards him."

"Oh yeah?"asked Nathan, sitting back and crossing his arms over his chest.

It was as if he was daring William to just try and change his mind. He looked so much like the confused, yet hard-nosed teenager that William had begun investing in all of those years ago that – even though the sight was really a little sad – the older of the two men almost smiled.

Instead, William Barrett continued talking to Nathan, relaying what TJ had revealed to him. "He grew up a lot like you did, Nathan."

Nathan lowered his head again, not surprised, but still not wanting to hear it, nonetheless.

"He was raised by a single mother who had five kids, all of them from different men. That left TJ with two brothers, as many sisters, and him being the oldest of them all. It also means that he had to see all of those other guys that hung around his mother coming and then going, never taking any responsibility for whatever happened while they were there… never caring a bit for TJ.

"You remember what that's like, don't you, son?"

Nathan bit his lip as he stared down at his hands. Yeah, he remembered, all right.

"So, having pretty much the same background as you have, he started down the same path that you started down at seventeen – getting jumped into the Gangster Nation. The only difference between the two of you is that no one stopped him from doing it."

Nathan blinked in surprise at William's frankness as he looked back up at the man in front of him. He felt a swell of gratitude rise up in him as he realized once again how much of a turning point the arrival of William Barrett in his life had been.

"So, you're saying that you saved me from being in TJ's shoes?"

"No, I'm saying that _God _saved you – a wannabe gangster who didn't get what he thought he wanted – the same exact way that he saved TJ – a gangster who ended up getting way more than he bargained for.

"The bottom line here is, Nathan, that 'My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.' Who are we to question what the holy and perfect, sinless God has done, especially when it comes to the salvation of His saints? Are we really going to hold such a grudge that we can't even rejoice when He does save someone? So what if the person that He chose to save seems like a questionable choice? From what I understand of the man, I'm sure that John Newton seemed like a questionable choice as well, and look what God did through him! You _never _know, Nathan."

"I know that," Nathan admitted.

"Then you're not going to come to me anymore with unreasonable questions based on questionable logic, right?" William asked.

Nathan smiled at the odd wording of the question as he nodded.

"Good," William smiled too. "Now, how are things going with Derrick? Do you think that he's softening to the Gospel?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Nathan answered enthusiastically. "He's still reading everything that I give him, and then even asking for more."

"That's good, you never know what God could do there, then, right?"

Nathan's grin widened as he answered, "Right."

* * *

**This is written kind of as a sequel to "Jeremiah." The verse that William quotes is Isaiah 55:8 (KJV), BTW. This was a challenge given to me by saturday101; hopefully it's what you were looking for. As always, reviews thrill me; thanks!:)**


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